Yesterday we spent the entire day here. It was beautiful and breathtaking and our boys got to take it all in with pure wonder and joy.
They had the best time just enjoying the clean air and open spaces to roam and explore.
I, on the other hand did not get to enjoy it as much as I would have liked to. Sawyer loves being up there. But he was having a “meltdown - clingy” kind of day.
When days like this happen, I always remind myself that having a positive attitude will help in the long run. It did, but I felt that I was running out of steam and my positivity was turning into annoyance.
I didn’t want to ruin Stevie and Maycen’s fun day so I kept Sawyer and myself a little distant from them as they enjoyed the day with my family.
So yes, I sat afar and saw the joy and happiness they were having while I was unable to experience it. Sawyer missed out on such an amazing day. It hurts when he misses these moments. It hurts when I as their parent miss out on enjoying these moments too.
But I’d rather let my older two get to be in that moment of pure amazement and wonder; while I sit back with Sawyer in hopes to be a help to him.
I’m sure there are those that walked by and heard Sawyer screaming, saw him stimming, heard me repeatedly say “It’s okay bugs, Momma is right here” as he reaches for my hand to put against his face (as that’s what he wants in these moments), and those people probably thought my child was just being bratty and terrible.
That’s okay. I let them think that. There is no reason to jump down their throats and tell them that my son is Severely Non Verbal Autistic with Severe Anxiety; as all that’s doing is showing them anger.
I’ve had people come up to me and ask if he’s okay when he’s having these moments in public. I’d always reply with “He’s just fine. He is just having a moment”.
I did in the beginning of this journey correct people and jump down their throats. But all that did to me was anger me more and I found myself thinking about it long after.
The “Label” of Autism can be something that is seen in a not so great light. People have their opinions and that’s okay. I can’t stop people’s opinions. But I can help show through our journey with 3 boys on the Autism Spectrum that their lives are beautiful. Yes we have bad days, really bad days, really really really really bad days, but the beautiful moments and days stand out more to us.
We want you all to see our journey with our 3 boys as an honest and beautiful view of Autism. But we also want you to see the really hard times. You can’t have all the beauty without the bad times.
So if you are new to our page and are wondering what we offer here; know that we offer honesty on our journey with Autism. The good, the bad, the heartbreaking, the tears, the sleepless nights, the meltdowns, the silliness, the laughter, the smiles, the love, and all the beauty that is Autism.
Welcome to our journey. 💙
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