Growing up we’re taught to be nice to everyone. Never excluding anyone from anything. Inviting everyone in the class to the party. But as we grow older and start finding out who we are; we start to notice the differences in everyone around us. We find “our group” of people, our tribe. And when we do that we exclude others on the outside of our group of friends. Time moves on as it always has and will and we continue to exclude people. Even those we used to call ”friends” are now in the “excluded group”. How can we do this? Why do we do this? We do this because we’re constantly changing and moving forward. If you had a friend that was a big part of your life at one time and is now excluding you; it may be because you’ve grown out of their life. Not always in a bad way but sometimes we only have people in our life for a season and then they are gone.
So why is it that when I noticed that my children were being excluded from parties, play groups, family events, that I forgot the cycle? The exclusion cycle? When we grow out of a person, or they start to make us uncomfortable, or maybe your on a different life path and that person just does not fit into it. But we all know the difference between “we’ve grown out of that relationship“ or “they were in for a season and now gone” and when we’re just being down right mean and purposefully excluding them.
Over the last almost 9 years since we started our family and welcomed each of our 3 beautiful boys; we started to notice the slight exclusions. But 3 years ago when we started down the path to diagnosis for Sawyer, that turned into a diagnosis of Autism for all 3 boys; we saw the slight exclusions turned into total exclusions. You wouldn’t think that family would be on the list of people who find your children “too much” or “they don’t understand and have said it right out that they won’t ever”, but they are.
Now, we have family members who are the most understanding and are more than willing to gain more knowledge on Autism. But sadly, we have far too many that have either just disappeared or have been brutally honest and said they can’t handle it and don’t want to be apart of our kids lives. It’s just heartbreaking and some days I will spontaneously start crying thinking about it all. Family is supposed to always be there for you. No matter what. So why is it that when they get uncomfortable they bow out? Because it’s what we all have done from the beginning. It’s easier to push awkward, uncomfortable people away, then to learn to find that there is beauty in every person.
I may never get over the hurt from the exclusion for my kids; but I will move on. We have too much life to live and those disappointments don’t need to take up the space I need to fill with happiness and love.
Come on boys, let’s go live life together!
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